True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
