so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
