Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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