Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize