when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
