did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
