he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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