life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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