My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize