Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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