We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
