Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
