I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
