11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
