whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this beer tastes like vomit already
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
