im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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