so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
a search helicopter?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We need to get me chipped asap
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
