Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
