I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize