there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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