some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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