you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
