Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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