there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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