he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
