I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
