did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
