I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
