Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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