remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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