Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
