That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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