Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
