I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize