i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
