im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
