I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
