im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
