Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
