Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
