"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
