Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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