Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
