he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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