i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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