you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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