i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize