Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
