I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
