Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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