She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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