I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
