If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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