Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
