I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
