well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am one with the molecules
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
