she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
