Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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